I am going to end up homeless on the street, with nothing but a reusable Trader Joes bag of hip clothes.

Fuck.

I just went to this little resale shop of mine that I love. I'm not even going to say what it's called, or tell you where it is, that's how much I love it, and that's why I don't want very many people to know about it (although they probably do). Sorry, folks, I'm a ruthless deal-finder who doesn't divulge her secrets.

Anyways, I found these ADORABLE shoes, which retailed at Nordstrom for $200, but were in the store for $20. They came in different colors, and I couldn't decide which color I liked better, so I bought BOTH:



(The Kitty Glow Ball, which is my dog's Most Favorite Toy Ever, was added at the last minute. By him, of course.)

I can't believe I did this. I feel extravagant, giddy, and stylish. All at once. Now I need to go hide them before Steve comes over.

****

In other news, we went and saw Ratatouille last night. Look at us, going to movies on the opening night!

Anyways. Believe the hype, folks. It rules. Also, the rats sort of reminded me of my cat. But I would have loved the movie anyways, even if that wasn't the case.

In which I struggle to be slightly above mediocre.

Oh, Internet.

I feel that I have nothing very worthy to tell you lately. The lazy, hazy days of summer are upon me, and I’ve also been knee-deep in finishing this book for my July book club, and it's a doozy, so when I’ve been free, that’s what I’ve been doing. I haven’t even taken any fun pictures lately, except this one of my fat cat, who recently discovered this corner that the wall and my desk make, where she can balance herself, sitting up, on her fat:



****

Some things, just because I really, honestly, have nothing else to tell you:

1) The new iPhone makes all of us gits with other smartphones look like we’re all carrying around the TI-83, on our way to 2nd period Algebra. My phone is only two weeks old, and all day today I’ve been looking at it with contempt:

“You’re not sleek enough."
"You’re not colorful enough."
"Your ad campaign sucks.”

My phone has decided to seek revenge by only having half-power now, at 4 p.m., even though it charged all night. Bastard.

2) The most beautiful water bottle in the world fell into my hands the other day:



By “fell,” I mean, “it was at the store and was so beautiful that I didn’t even think as I paid for it.” But really, it is beautiful. Even more beautiful with condensation all over it from cold water. And the mouth hole is the perfect size. So....take THAT, iPhone! You can do a lot of fun, interesting things in a beautiful way, but can you stylishly hold the beverage I need to survive???*

*It probably can.

3) Yesterday I was the only one in the office, so I took a doze in the file room.

There. I admit it. I’m glad to get THAT one off my chest.

4) I’ve been going home at lunch and working out on my oldie but goodie (seriously...we purchased it the summer before my freshman year of high school).

I know: madness. But I’ve been watching my Golden Girls DVDs while I do it, so I come back to the office in the afternoon, infinitely happier than I was in the morning.

5) This bag is turning out to be TBSBE:



For those of you not in the know of my addiction to purses, TBSBE stands for The Best Summer Bag, Ever. It’s HUGE, but slouches nicely when it’s on your arm so it doesn’t seem so big. It’s not that hard to find stuff in it, because the opening of the bag is so freakin’ large. I feel like Mary Poppins with her carpet bag. Sometimes, I even say, “Ah ha ha ha ha!” for effect. And the outer magnetized pocket is great for holding your phone. Washed corduroy tote, I sing your praises!

****

So, yeah. That’s it for me today. I’m sorry this entry is so lame. But the picture of Babe is pretty righteous, so take that for what you will.

The vapors?

Last night's rain cooled Chicago off considerably, which I'm so glad about, because I was really dying there for awhile. I can't handle heat at all. On Saturday night, we went to this art show that I normally enjoy very much. However, the loft space it's in wasn't air conditioned, and I felt like a swooning Victorian from a romance novel. I kept on having to sit down and take a break. In my defense, we'd been at A Prairie Home Companion that afternoon, which had also been stifling hot, so I was just beat down in general. But at one point, I really had to resist the urge to scream at everyone that we needed to LEAVE, because FOR GOD'S SAKE, the paintings were MELTING OFF THE WALLS.

However, Amelia (whose art is in the show and, I feel, routinely kicks the ass out of all the other art on display) got this great shot of me, completely ignoring the art around me or the photographer, in lieu of playing with my new phone. Also, don't ask me what the Hell was going on with my hair, because I don't fucking know:



She also got this great shot of Steve looking like a serial killer, and me looking like I'm trying to convince her that "no, really, he is a very nice person":



****

A few things:

1. Today at lunch, there was a Meeting of the Minds taking place by my house, which included:

a) The guy who I lovingly refer to as my Homeless Doorman

b) The Crazy Old Man, who lives next door and likes to bark at Mojo when we walk by*

and

c) His Downstairs Neighbor, a man from Poland who, for a living, appears to enjoy collecting Stupid, Worthless Crap Noone Wants. I only say that I think he enjoys it because he likes to keep his precious finds in his front yard, sort of museum-style.

It was a pretty awesome crew collected there in front of my apartment. Actually, they're all very nice men, but I'd just come from picking up my birth control, so I sort of felt like I was carrying drugs or something, and that I had to rush past them and not meet their eyes. Why do I still feel like I'm doing something wrong every time I pick that up, even though I'm 26 and live on my own and have my own life? It's like I'm afraid my dad is going to come around the corner and totally bust me.

*Which is hilarious, because Mojo is so used to this that he just looks at Crazy Old Man, in a very condescending, "Yeah, and they say your Kind are smarter than us," sort of way.

2. Speaking of, I hate it when you call a pharmacy in advance to request your precription, and you make sure to do it right at the beginning of the day so that they'll have LOADS of time to fill it. Couple that with the fact that your prescription doesn't take any real FILLING at all, just plopping the pre-packaged item into an envelope, and you feel like all is right with the world because you are so on top of your game. But then, lo, you get to the pharmacy - FOUR HOURS LATER AND EVEN AFTER THE TIME YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE THERE - to find that the prescription hasn't even been filled yet.

Stop testing out some of your products in the back room, Mr. Pharmacist, and do your flippin' job already. Damn.

3. Maybe some of the mothers and fathers that read this can answer this question for me: Why are parents of twenty-somethings so hard on their kids? Not my parents in particular, but more just parents in general.

Right now, I have a friend whose getting crap right and left from her mom, and it's very unwarranted, seeing as how my friend is so responsible she makes me (and all my other friends, really) look like we're just goofing off and Prolonging the Inevitable with all this going back to school to get all these "secondary degrees" and other bullshit. Oh, and she just sent me a card on the one-year anniversary of her OWN wedding, thanking me for making her invitations and party favors. She is seriously the LAST daughter I would think a mother would have any excuse to gripe about.

So hey, Parents: we're just trying to figure out who the hell we are. Which is kind of a tough job, I'm finding out. Isn't the fact that we're able to live on our own without starving to death AND STILL have money left over to go to the bars good enough? Christ.

4. I have no idea why I thought wearing this super-low-cut shirt was a good idea today, considering my present circumstances. The copy guy that kept on blushing when he came in today? Yeah, in retrospect, I'm thinking that was not just because he's new to our company and doesn't know anything.

5. Finally, in the same vein as #4, I burst into tears on the way home for Mojo's noon walk, because this song came on. What the fuck, I don't even like Billy Joel. He reminds me too much of those douchebags from high school and college, who wore white college hats and talked about how awesome it was that they drank alcohol.

But then I started thinking, Oh my God, that is probably completely what Steve thinks when he thinks of me, because I never give him an inch, God I am such a Bitch, blahblahblahblahblah. I'm sure you've all heard that sort of thing before.

That said, I really need to finish this entry and go home and sit in the dark, by myself, and not make any contact with anyone for five to seven days.

Magic?

Right now, Steve is trying to stay cool and watching a paid advertisement for The Magic Bullet Mixer. He keeps shouting stuff at me from the living room:

"Wow! Chicken salad in 5 seconds."

"Em, you throw in some milk and chocolate syrup, and in 6 seconds you have chocolate mousse."

"They just threw in a few vegetables and made salsa! Em, we'd never have to go out again, we'd just eat dips."

Personally, I think it sounds too much like a sex toy for use in my kitchen. Also, it totally stole it's name from a rectal suppository.

Technology: 1, Emily: 0.

The Odds continue to be waywaywaywaaaaaay in Technology's favor.



Ok, so I woke up early this morning, because I am in charge of planning the picnic dinner we're bringing with us to A Prairie Home Companion today. So, while I was making coffee and writing down a list of things to get, I checked my mail, and I had one new email.

From my phone.

When did that happen? When I was asleep? Did I forget to lock the keypad (AGAIN), and the lip gloss in my purse decided to send me a reminder?

This Technology is kicking my ass.

Oh, Technology...

Alright, so I'm not dying of some unidentifiable illness. Apparently my body's histamine has just decided it wants to come on out and party. Ok, sure!

So the doctor put me on some antihistamine medication that so far has been working like a charm, although I have to take it 3 times a day, and it's seemed to have rendered me unaware of my whereabouts in the space-time continuum. Ok, then!

****

In other news, I bought myself one of these today. It was time for a new phone anyways. I mean, I really enjoyed sticking the charger into my old phone and then very, very gingerly placing my phone on a level surface so it could actually accept a charge every night, but, you know, it was time to move on.

I thought I'd get a smartphone because my family, coworkers and friends seem to think that my Tried and True method of using several Post-It notes stuck on my wallet to keep track of myself wasn't so tried and true. Says them. But whatever.

Here's the thing though: the learning curve, for me, on this new phone is INSANE! I think I may have called three or four of my contacts when I put my phone in my purse, BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THE KEYPAD LOCK. Synching my phone to my computer? What?

So I'm going tomorrow morning to a "workshop" with my cellphone company. Where I'll basically just sit there with a blank stare, pressing random buttons on my phone to look busy.

****

Apropos of nothing, a part of me still wishes I was on vacation.....

Fever n' Ague?

Ok, so, apparently I am dying of some Unknown Ailment.

The day after we got home from Cable, I was putzing around my house, and at some point, I thought, "Gee, I'm pretty hot." But it wasn't in a normal way. Took my temperature - had a fever. What now? I'd been feeling fine. I felt fine enough to go into work Monday, but then for the last three days it's been hard for me to fall asleep at night. Lots of tossing, turning, and dreams about highschool math class*.

THEN last night happened. I was up from 10 until 2 with "the itchies." EVERYWHERE. For some unclear reason (delirium?) I still came to work, where I continue to be itchy, and my co-workers (all former nurses - bless them) are pretty sure there's a fine rash over about 80% of my person. They took my temperature, and I'm running a fever again, and......well anyways, I'm going to see the doctor at 3:30.

I am trying to stay upbeat and think that it's just a little summer allergic reaction-y thing, but the completely irrational part of me (read: MOST OF ME) thinks I picked up some crazy disease up north. Like, something that only robust Wisconsin-ers can handle, that my fragile Chicago constitution cannot. The overwhelming amount of ticks that were in our cabin and ON US (though none actually embedded themselves) is certainly on my mind, too....

Ick.

****

And here's the reason that I have to get better in approx. 2 days:

Steve and I are going to see a taping of A Prairie Home Companion at Ravinia this Saturday. To put it plainly (and in caps): GARRISON KEILLOR AND I WILL A MERE FEW YARDS FROM ONE ANOTHER. Isn't that exciting?

So I need to be miraculously cured, and fast.



*My High School Math Class dream is always the same: I am trudging to class, then I realize I don't want to go, so I ditch it. For some reason, I'm always aware in the dream that I have actually graduated from high school, so I'm even more jubilant about shirking my math class because I know I'm not really doing anything wrong. So really, I think this is probably my Most Favorite Dream....no math AND no guilt for breaking the rules.

Grumble grumble grumble....

I am in a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad mood today. Which is in noooo way related to my man's complete ineptitude at being anything other than a grumbly Turd every workday morning. No, not at all.

****

Also, I'm feeling Funny and Vulnerable about sending out an invitation this morning for a Tupperware-ish party at my apartment at the end of June. It's actually for The Body Shop, and it's a foot care party where we'll try on a bunch of scrubs and creams and stuff, which are actually wonderful and work really well, even on my cavewomanish, calloused feet. I love the stuff, but I still feel like I'm forcing my female friends to buy just by inviting them, which is a position I never want to put anyone in.

This is why I am sure that Sales would never have been a good career path for me, because I can't sell stuff for shit:

"Oh, are you interested in that? Well, yes, it is nice. But no pressure to buy it or anything. I mean, only you can say if you really need it.....so do you really think you need it? I mean, if you don't think you do, you know, you could instead take the money and do something more productive with it, like, for instance, donate it to a local charity! Don't you think that'd be more productive? I think so, too."

****

I also have Biker's Butt Soreness from riding my bike to and from work yesterday (which actually involves two trips to work and two trips home, since I walk my dog at lunch). And I had to peddle fast during the first trip to work, because I had planned to drive, but the car keys were missing (they ended up being in a drawer where NOTHING GOES. EVER). My boyfriend didn't have anything to do with that harrowing morning, either. Noooo, nothing to do with it at all....

****

So because I'm all disgruntled and annoyed, I keep on shutting my brain and imagining myself back on the shores of Lake Superior, picking up sea glass.



I also keep looking at this photo of my Man, because it reminds me why I'm with him and what a peaceful, grateful person he really is. Oh, and that he's a Hottie McHottington.

Vacation come-down.

I'm back from vacation.

It was pretty great, but there were some definite flare-ups between family members. Which I think is because it was cold and rainy most of the week. It was really cold. The kind of cold that woven sweaters can't help with, so I dished out way more money than I should have to get one of these, which I proceeded to live in for the entire week.

But for all the crappy moments, there were some pretty great ones, too, and I still love the upper-north region of Wisconsin. So much so, that Steve and I actually had some semi-serious talks about building a vacation cabin there. You know, with all that money that we have.

There are about 5,000 photos from the trip, because Steve was pretty bored, I think, and decided to just document the hell out of every move we made. Which I love that he did.

So, without further ado, please sit back and enjoy The Cable 2007 Collection.*





*This new Collection feature freaks me out. Flickr's getting so organized! I'm not organizational enough to handle the organization.

Busy busy busy.

I'm busy doing absolutely nothing in a cabin in Wisconsin. Which pretty much rules.

But hey, here's a photo of a baby snapping turtle I almost stepped on:



I love Wisconsin.