Tidbits.

It's Tuesday, I'm tired, and it's really, really cold, so first I have to bitch, just a little, at these few things:

1) The chick that lives on my block who drives the Green Honda CR-V, which she conveniently parks three feet from the curb. At first I thought that she was just a moron that can't parallel park, but then! Then! One day I was spying on her from my window, and she pulled up to her apartment, parked her car in the middle of the DOUBLE-WIDE street with no blinkers on, and ran inside for about 15 minutes. 15 minutes! I am very compelled to write her a Note telling her how much I despise her piss-poor and extremely rude parking habits, despite what my mom says about Nice People Not Leaving Notes.

2) Hair static. I've pretty much spent this entire winter looking like I'm touching one of those electric ball thing-ys at the science museum.

3) Pretzel heartburn. Those rods aren't sittin' too well.

There. I'm done. Really I was just mad at Number 1, and it is because of Number 1 that Numbers 2 and 3 are annoying me right now. So I will forget about it and get happy, already.

Other, non-pissy things:

1) I spent most of my weekend inside my apartment. So much so that I was telling Sharyn that I think Mojo and Babe started getting tired of me. You know you’ve reached a new low in anti-socialness when the animals that are supposed to love you unconditionally get tired of you.

2) Steve and I beat the System and found a White Pearl DS Lite on Amazon for me. Every store on God’s Green Earth has been out of them since Christmas, with no mention of when they might come in. My new toy should be coming in the mail today. It can’t come at a better time, either, seeing as how in the month or so since I assumed Steve’s old DS, I have:

a) Dropped it on the ground so that the upper screen is half broken off; and,
b) Lost not one, but two styluses (styli?)

He's convinced that I'm going to treat this new one much better than his old one. Damn boyfriend knows me too well, I'm afraid.

3) Steve and I started watching Season One of "Twin Peaks." The first episode I really enjoyed. I enjoyed the second as well, though the dream sequence at the end freaked me out more than I would like to admit to you, Internet. I’ve never seen “Twin Peaks” before, because when it actually aired, my parents would say, “Go upstairs” when it came on. Probably a wise move, if it creeped me out in 2007. Steve and I are also trying to find a spare 3.5 hours to go see David Lynch’s new mindf**k, “Inland Empire.” Three and a half hours! It better be good, because I have to say that I didn't care for "Mulholland Drive." I actually don't know any chicks that liked that movie, but several boys who thought it was awesome, which I think is just because there was girl-on-girl action.

Moving on!

4) I got new glasses yesterday. It was quite exciting, because I could barely see out of my scratched glasses. They were all banged up due to a UV coating that started flaking off 2.5 seconds after I got them, and also because I'm a shitty glasses owner. Case in point: last Friday we were searching around frantically in the morning trying to find my glasses, which I had fallen asleep wearing, that were conveniently wedged between the mattress and the wall.

I went a little wild with my frames. Yes, they're yellow. It all stemmed from a pair of yellow glasses I tried on a while ago that I absolutely loved, and I had my heart set on that color. I think the b.f. might be secretly hating them....or maybe not-so-secretly hating them, because a few quips about Elton John did escape his lips. Pictures will follow when I get more used to my own face with them on.

5) Last, but certainly not least, finding magic daily is a new Flickr group started by .Catina Jane Arts . I think it’s a good way to try and look at the things around you in a different light. You know, to get away from the “Oh My God Every Day Is The Same And If I Have To Look At This Thing That I See Every Damn Day One More Time, I Swear To God I’m Going To Throw It Out The Window” mode of thinking that I know I myself am usually in. Which is probably why I buy alot of stuff.

And with that, I'm out.

Five things meme

Jeff recently tagged me to post five things that my friends might not know about me. He'd just done it for himself, and I had just finished reading EEK’s entry on 6 reasons why you should date her. Both of these entries were quite hilarious. Needless to say, I have very tough shoes to fill.

Here’s some other reasons I hadn’t done the “5 Things Meme" yet:

a) In real life, I tend to suffer from “diarrhea of the mouth.” There are times when I will be talking to someone, and I actually see his eyes glazing over as I go on and on. By this point, though, oh my God! I can’t seem to stop myself! I keep going! Talking about nothing! Then, afterwards, I writhe in embarrassment that I wasn’t able to shut myself up.

b) I don’t feel like five very notable things have happened to me, yet. Maybe three. I could probably come up with three. Five? Five is going to be a stretch.

But: Jeff is a darling man. I love him to death. So I will do this for him, to maybe fill up some of his time in New Zealand that isn’t spent traveling, meeting awesome people, or surfing. Jeff, I kid. Really he does more than that, I'm just being jealous-y.

So here goes nothing.

1) CREEPY-TOWN BROWN:

Most of the time, the pupils in my eyes are two different sizes. This is from a surgery I had a couple of years ago to remove a benign, egg-shaped tumor from my neck. The funny thing is that noone – not family, the significant other, or myself – noticed this until two years later, when my current boss looked me in the face and said “Why are your pupils two different sizes?”

2) ALL IN THE FAMILY:

Speaking of family, even though they don’t seem to catch little details like my Crazy Eyes, I am ridiculously close with them. The immediate family, that is. The extended family….well, not so much. In fact, my grandpa once referred to me in a Christmas card as “(Mom) and (Dad)’s other daughter.” I forgave him though, may he rest in peace.

No, but really, my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and nephew are my Most Important People. Steve is up there, too, but he knows that if he ever did something Unkind to them (and it’d have to be pretty bad, my family worships that guy), he would be out the door in a minute.

I talk to my mom and sister at least every other day (often more), see them maybe once a week, and every June all of us go stay in a small cabin in Wisconsin. And we have fun! Really!

The only drawback to this whole situation is that my family has all settled in the greater Chicagoland area. Steve and I will be able to afford a house anywhere near my sister or my parents in, oh, about 2040.

I think I’m really lucky to have a relationship like this, most of the time. If I really thought about it, though, I could probably equate not really having any close, close friends to my remarkable family relationship, but, you know, why dwell on the negative?

3) I AM A LOSER:

I have never been out of the country. Strike that, I have been out of the country once, which was for five minutes to get gas in Canada. I know, this is a Terrible Thing. I usually like to use the excuse that I’ve been in school forever, but, well, there were study abroad programs I probably could have done, and most of my friends have been in school forever, too, and they've left the U. S. of A. So there's really nothing stopping me except my own inhibitions and my tendency to spend all of my money. Also, one could say that I might just be that lazy that I just don’t take the time to make the plans. I am going to give myself until 2008 to rectify this.

4) STICKS AND STONES:

I have “fat kid syndrome.” By that I mean that I was chubby as a kid, and no matter how thin I might be, there is a little part of me that always remembers what it was like to be mocked and ridiculed. I remember every kid’s name that ever made fun of me. I actually have fantasies of going back in time - with my 2007 cache of insults at hand – and raising hell to each and every one of them. I cry when movies have fat little kids ("Bad Santa" ruined me for days). Part of me thinks it is utterly ridiculous to still be this way, another part of me (the larger part – no pun intended) accepts this as my Status Quo, accepting that I will never be able to unconsciously throw food in my mouth, like some people I know (my boyfriend), without considering what it will do to my (Buddha-ish) belly. Such is life.

5) AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:

If I could have my way, I would forget this 9 to 5 job, or that Master’s degree I’m working on, and just make crafts and miniatures for a living. If anyone knows of any job openings doing exactly that, give me a holler.

*****

That's it. If you haven't fallen asleep by the end of this, you are a very good friend, and a faithful reader. Let's have coffee sometime, you and me.

One more reason I'm maintaining my "I don't swim in oceans or lakes" stance.

This FrilledShark was found off the coast of Japan a few days ago. Apparently their natural habitat is so far down in the ocean that little is known about them, and this is the first one to be caught alive. Read the full story here.

I've already spoken of my chronic and completely unfounded fear of Scary Things In The Water, and this is just one more creature that will probably trickle into my subconscious and make me wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

Yay.

Bear down.

Intense but fun weekend. Lots of laughing, dancing, and listening to the nephew say his own name.

But any Chicagoan right now could tell you what the real highlight of their weekend was...

Another reason I might not ever finish that Master's Degree.

This conversation actually took place:

"Em, come to bed."

"Ok, ok, but before I do, I just have to pay my mortgage, catch some fish, mail two letters and get my fossils appraised. I'll be right there."

A call you never wish to make.

Betty, Vet Tech: “(Name of vet clinic), may I help you?”

Me: “Umm…yes, I was wondering if I could speak to Dr. (Mojo’s vet), please?”

Betty: “Oh, Dr. (Mojo’s vet) isn’t here today, is there something I can help you with?”

Me: “Well, umm, I’m not sure. I guess so. I don’t know if I should speak with someone or not? You see, yesterday…the last two walks my dog’s gone one…both times he pooped, and, well, in the poop that he did at lunch I noticed there was a whole condom in it, and my boyfriend said there were parts of one in his evening poop.”

To Betty’s credit, she took the whole situation in stride. Perhaps she hears this kind of thing all the time. I would like to think so, but if she doesn’t, at least she pretended that she does. She asked me if Moj was listless (no), vomiting (no), if his habits have changed (he is still a turd), and if he’s eating normally (definitely). Since I gave her the all-clear on those, she told me just to watch for constipation, bloody stool, or diarrhea. If none of those things happen, he should have passed anything odd that he ate within 48 hours.

What I didn’t tell Betty is that I am even more grossed out because:

1) There are not any of the afore-mentioned items in my house, so they are of unknown origin, and,
2) There were no bits of foil or heavy paper in the poop, leading Steve and I to the conclusion that they were probably already used.

I just puked a little bit in my mouth typing up that list.

Anyways, in about five minutes I’m headed out to lunch, where I will go home, suit up the dog, and take him for (hopefully?) another Prophylactic Poop Parade. I guess we’ve dodged a bullet here. Something really horrible could have happened, like the condoms blocking his intestines up. But in dodging a bullet, I feel like I have smacked into a big, slimy, wall o’ Disgusting.

Before I end this, though, I’m going to put up this photo of Moj I took the other day, to remind me how freakin’ adorable he is, how much I love him and how, deep down, I know that every piece of condom-y crap that I pick up will make me feel incredibly grateful that nothing worse happened to him.




Moj is also proudly displaying his collar bling here – an orange and blue “M” that he has worn since the Bears football season began, and he will (shockingly) continue to wear at least through next Sunday, because two days ago we won our first of 2 playoff games. Whoa.

Aw, come on.

My boss brought in a copy of the most current Crate and Barrel catalog, and showed me this:



Which just so happens to be the same Marimekko fabric design, Samovaari, that I painted on my living room wall in November:



So, technically, I thought of stealing Marimekko's 1970 fabric design first. However, Crate and Barrel decided to use two beautiful, pale shades of green with their interpretation. I chose poo brown.

Touché, Crate and Barrel. Touché.

Procrastination.

I realized yesterday that my yearly goal - to get the Christmas tree down before the month of January is in the double digits - has, sadly, still not been achieved in 2007. Every year I make this goal for myself, and every year it ends up coming down at the end of January. Sometimes the beginning of February, like last year, although I don't count that year, because I spent most of January and February of Ought Six being a total shithead. For many reasons. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Hopefully, though, I'll get the tree down tonight and tomorrow, since my parents are coming to visit Saturday afternoon. There is nothing like a mother's silent judgment to make you snap into shape and achieve your housekeeping goals.

Oh, also:

If anyone knows of a cure for what we call "the Jimmy Legs" around here (tossing, turning, kicking during the night), please let me know. Steve has a bad case of it. Every night I'm wedged between him and the cat. Between his bout of the Jimmies, and Babe's head that smells like dog breath because Moj puts it in his mouth......yeah, I haven't slept well in days.

I am a work robot.

Work is driving me insane today. Seriously, there are some days where I am appalled at my inexperience handling various tasks I have to do. Consequently, I am amazed that my boss hasn’t seen through this sham and already fired me.

I guess I don’t need to be blogging while I’m here, though. But moving on…

Busy, busy, busy week so far. Sunday we celebrated my dad’s birthday, and now I am officially done with holiday obligations. Which couldn’t have come at a better time, because I am also five pounds heavier, thanks to my holiday obligations. Sigh.

But! I had tons o’ fun yesterday evening. My gal pals and I went out. First we went to the MCA for their Bingo/Tango night. The idea is that you play Bingo to win prizes, and then during breaks there are these professional tango dancers who teach lessons. However, the coordinators underestimated the appeal of the Bingo/Tango Night, and so they were horribly over-crowded. Also, the announcer was more interesting in turning the letters B-I-N-G and O into sexual words (“Gonorrhea 26! Orgasm 51!”) while trying to be hip and funny, so he just came off as a jackass. A jackass who couldn’t project his voice, either. I couldn’t hear a damn thing.

So I decided to take a tour of the museum, and I came to the conclusion that I always come to when I go to the MCA – the permanent collection is a piece of crap. I’m not just saying this because I have a bachelor’s degree in Art History, either. For God’s sake, I took ice skating and aqua aerobics my senior year – I don’t remember the Art History part that much. I think anyone would think that the MCA permanent collection sucks. Don’t be fooled by the website’s overview of their collection - I didn’t see the Calder, the Warhol, the Sherman, the Close, or the Reinhardt. Besides the Calder mobile that I might have missed because I didn’t look up, the rest should have been there. And it’s not that I’m looking for the big names in contemporary art or anything, it’s just that if I’m told that they’re there, I wouldn’t mind seeing them as I’m passing through.

The thing that gets me is that the traveling exhibitions at the MCA are fantastic. I went to the Chuck Close retrospective and the Roy Lichtenstein Interiors exhibit, and Steve went to the Tropicalia Movement exhibit last year. I guess I just feel that a museum can’t exist on traveling exhibitions alone – it should have a solid permanent collection, too. We Chicagoans are very lucky that we have the Art Institute to make up for the MCA.

One more thing: as we were getting our coats from the coat check, there was one, solitary comment in the comment box. All it said on it, in small letters, was “underwhelming.” So it’s not just me that feels this way! Boo-yah!

I will now get off my (triumphant) soapbox.

What was really fun, though, was seeing my girlfriends from college. One is getting her Masters/PhD at UC Berkeley, and one is getting her Masters at U of I in Champaign. So we don’t get to see them that often. It was nice to sit with a bunch of girls, knitting, eating Mexican food and catching up on each others’ lives. This is quite a departure from my Usual Social Life, which is mostly a Sausage Fest consisting of Steve,* his roommates, and occasionally a few more guys with some spatterings of girls.

*I must clarify that Steve did go with for the Mexican/knitting/talking portion of the evening. But he’s a trooper like that.*

Other things:

1. I am broker than broke. I’m not really, I get paid tomorrow, but my landlord has this awesome habit of depositing my rent check days after I’ve written it and accounted for it, so my heart stops when I check my balance after it’s gone through. In short, so far my whole Plan To Save Money in 2007 is off to an awesome start.

2. Steve started his new job this week. It’s weird to for him to have the same 9-5 schedule as me. I think it’s going to be awesome in the long run, though, because the super-early mornings or late, late nights that he had as an electrician totally blew, for both of us. Also, he looks adorable in business casual.

3. Hot Chip. Steve had this band in his car stereo, and I’ve been driving his car around, and they’ve grown on me. I especially like the song, “Over and Over” (check out their MySpace profile to listen). However, I can’t decide if I like that song because I really like it, or because it’s just catchy and gets stuck in your head. If I’m feeling all stabby-stabby in a few days, I guess we’ll know the answer.

4. My dog and I had a photo shoot the other day. I promise someday I'll post stuff other than pictures of my dog and my nephew on my Flickr account. Someday.

Clarification, please.

Today at lunch I went to my favorite coffee shop to get my Yay It's Friday vegan chocolate chip muffin and jasmine green tea. I know it sounds like a horrible combination, but trust me, it is not.

Anyways, the barista behind the counter was this girl I really like, because she always pats Mojo on the head when I tuck him under my arm and take him in the shop when I get my Yay It's Saturday or Yay It's Sunday vegan chocolate chip muffin and coffee. By the way, I can really make any day an excuse to treat myself to a vegan chocolate chip muffin.

Today, though, the barista stared really intently at my face, and then said, "Did you get a new grill?"

What? A grill? I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Umm, no, I didn't," was all I could say.

And then she said, "Oh! Ok. Now, what did you order again? I got so excited that I forgot."

????

Is grill some sort of hip talk for something on the face? I immediately thought of a grill as in the thing you cook with, but that can't be it. The only slang use of "grill" I know is of the "Yo, stop getting all up in ma' grill, dawg," nature, but I don't think that's what she meant. I thought maybe she was talking about jewelry or something, but there really isn't anything around my face except the occasional pair of earrings, and a teeny-tiny nose ring that half the time I don't even remember I have.

If anyone wants to enlighten me on what the hell she was talking about, that'd be great.

I've only been 26 for three days, and already I feel old and behind the times.

How we rang in 2007

An impromptu dance party we had on New Year's Eve. I'm the one filming and giggling. I think my favorite part of this video is that the dog just kept right on chewing his rawhide in the middle of the dance party. We've trained him right.

One of the hundreds of reasons why I put up with him:

I got this email tonight, after coming home from dinner and going to our separate homes:

"hey thanks for going out with me for dinner (jimmy johns). i love you."

Adorable.

*******

I hope you all had a lovely New Year's. My pals and I had a pretty good time. I have some documentation here, and in a bit I'll have a wee video as well.

I'm glad it's all over, though. As you can see here, I am tired of the holidays.


I can't wait to get back to a normal routine.

*******

Also, it's 11:37 P.M. right now in Chicago. In about 45 minutes, I will be 26. Is it fun being 26?