Lip service.

Internets! Word.

So yesterday, I had one of those infuriating situations wherein I could not for the life of me find my lip gloss. This isn’t saying that I had lost all 453,697 tubes of lip gloss that are scattered throughout my house; I had just lost the one lip gloss that I am currently using and attached to, thereby negating the other 453,696. Anyways, I searched high and lo, lo and high, and nothing came up. What was driving me bat-shit crazy was that I knew – KNEW – that if I bought another one (to the tune of $6.99! Life, you are too expensive), I would find the tube that I lost. However, my lips felt like a dead person’s lips (or what I imagine a dead person’s lips would feel like, I am not talking from experience here), so I broke down and bought another tube.

Flash forward to that evening, when I was sitting in my normal evening spot, sucking down a couple Fla-Vor-Ices, and I look down at the ground, and what do I see? My lipgloss! Only it was a good thing that I bought another one, because the tube was punctured with several doggie-sized tooth holes! Turns out my gloss had been taken to the Secret Lair (read: under the couch) where my underpants, Steve’s socks, and now apparently sweet-smelling lip gloss go to die.

So it wasn’t completely Crappy Consumer of me to buy a new gloss, I would have needed to anyways.* Which made me feel pretty good. I had decided, though, to go with “Pucker Berry” instead of my “Zesty Red” when I re-bought, because even though people claimed to like the red on my lips, I always felt like “Zesty Red” had me walking that shaky, fine line between “pretty” and “two-bit corner prostitute.” But it turns out that “Pucker Berry” should really just be called “Emily’s Normal Lip Color,” because that’s really all it is. Oh wells. I’m going to protect this tube until it runs out, and then I can re-asses whether “Zesty Red” and I can live in harmony.

*Well, buy another lip gloss to go with the 453,696 that are at home.**
**I should really throw all of those out.