Blogger suicide.

I know this is one of the biggest No-Nos of the blogging world, to post a survey. And not just post a survey, mind you, but post a survey from MYSPACE, of all places.

But, I have been holed-up in the house in the midst of a craaaazy winter depression, a depression of the "Fuck, I'm cold, I'm not going to leave my house until it's 60 degrees again. See you in April" kind. So this is all I've got.

"The Survey of Surveys," or, "Why Do You Care Where My Dad Is?"

What level do you play in Guitar Hero?
Oh, I'm absolutely abysmal at GH. But my man's pretty awesome at it.

Are you wearing jeans right now?
No, I'm in a robe. Just got out of the shower, you see. An hour ago.

Where is your dad?
What, you looking for him?

Do you live with both of your parents?
Neither, just two dogs. The Guitar Hero wunderkind comes and visits from time to time. Actually, he's asleep on my couch right now, the leech.

Do you think too much or too little?
Too much.

Do you smile a lot?
I suppose.

How much is gas where u live?
$3.49. And I drive a Jeep. Death!

What was the last compliment you received, and when?
Steve squeezed my arm and said, "Boy, I can tell you've been working out." Obviously he's full of crap.

Have you ever flown in a plane?
Yeah. Won't say how much though because the small number will depress me.

Are you for or against abortion?
I'm pro-choice, but if I were to make an "oops" I'd probably have it myself.

Do you prefer to call or text?
Text. Isn't that sad? I hate talking on the phone.

Do you have any siblings?
A sister.

Are you close with them?
Schyeah.

How many people do you trust 100%?
Several.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
My robe? Don't know, I got it a bajillion years ago. The sweatshirt I'm going to wear today, though, is from the J. Crew outlet. Hey, what's up with their sizing? Their stuff is HUGE. My sweatshirt is a woman's small and believe me, that cannot be farther from the truth.

What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
"There Will Be Blood." Hoo boy.

Can you live without the computer?
Probably not.

When was the last time you got flowers?
NEVER, STEVE.

Do you wish at 11:11?
Sometimes I do, and I still say "rabbit rabbit" on the first day of the month. Absolute jack-shit has happened doing either of these things.

Do you have any piercings?
Ears and nose.

Who was the last person you laid in bed with?
Well, that's pretty forward.

Whats your middle name?
Allwood. I know, right?

How big is your bed?
I think it's a full. But I buy queen-sized comforters so I can be enveloped in softness.

Ever get so drunk you couldn't remember the entire night?
Nope. That's crazy-town, man.

Can you play any instruments?
Used to play saxophone, clarinet, flute, piccolo, and tenor saxophone. God, I was so ambitious as a kid.

Are you hiding something from someone?
Not that I know of. Maybe the 50-piece set of plastic tools I bought for my nephew.

Are you a giver or a taker?
Umm. I'd say I'm 50/50.
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Ok, maybe 60/40 taker....

What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
"Sheesh."

Do you like your hair long or short?
Umm, shorter. Steve likes it long. To which I say, "YOU STYLE IT, THEN."

Have you memorized your social security number?
Yeah, ever since they printed it wrong on my first license, and I went to fill out college applications and they were all, "Umm, hey, you don't exist."

Who is your favorite family member?
I don't play favorites. Alright, I do. Probably my nephew.

When was the last time you cried?
Last night! I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to my iPod. Oh man, for some reason, Iron&Wine's "Dead Man's Will," with Calexico, can make me cry. I always lose it at the line "Give this string to my mother/it pulled the baby teeth she keeps inside the drawer." Then I also always cry when I hear the Eel's version of Daniel Johnston's "Living Life," you know, at the part, "Hold me like a mother would/like I've always known that somebody should/although tomorrow, it don't look so good." I know it seems really strange, but I can imagine dancing with Steve to this song at our wedding, if ever that happened. STEVE.

How many people have broken your heart?
Gah. A few.

Do you trust people easily?
Hmm. I would say no.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Don't know. I won't jinx anything. STEVE.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year?
Maybe out of my apartment...that'd be pretty awesome. I mean, I love the indoor/outdoor carpeting, but....oh wait, I hate it.

Where were you at 9pm last Friday night?
Headin' to Steak N' Shake!

What happened at 10:00 am today?
My mom called, saying, "HOLD OFF ON LEAVING FOR THE MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY, [Nephew's name] JUST THREW UP IN THE CAR." So now it's 10:54, and I'm waiting to see if this family outing is a "go."

Is your family just a bundle of fun?
See above. Just kidding. Hmm. Immediate family? Sure. Extended family, not so much.

When did you last cry hysterically?
Oh man, it was probably only a week ago, about something stupid like the house not being clean. BUT, if you want to know when I really, really cried because everything was completely out of control, well, that would have been in February, 2006.

Do you laugh at all the wrong times?
Sometimes I do, but I can laugh at the right times, too.

A couple things:

1. Last night in the Target parking lot, we pulled up behind a guy whose license plate read "MOJASM." I immediately began ripping my purse apart to find my camera, until Steve wisely pointed out that a guy that has a MOJASM vanity plate probably isn't the sort of guy you want to possibly catch you taking a picture of their car. Wise man, Steve is.

2. I ordered some stuff online from Old Navy a few days ago, pretty much ONLY because I have a shopping problem and it's been slow at work. Anyways, very minimal damage was done because Old Navy was having RIDICULOUS sales, and the package came in the mail today. Although, when I opened it up, my two sweaters were there, but the cute little shoes that were supposed to be in there weren't. No, instead, there was a pair of KID'S BLACK COTTON SHORTS. What? I didn't just get the wrong shoe, I got the wrong PRODUCT. Anywho, I called Customer Service, they fixed it right away and my shoes are headed here, and they even gave me a 10% discount coupon. The representative asked me if I wanted to use the 10% on getting something else right then, or save it. I told her SAVE IT, because between this situation and having to haggle for WEEKS with the post office to surrender my Christmas gift from my boss to me, I am DONE with ordering shit on the Intarwebs for a while. And by a while, I mean until probably this weekend, because I reallyreallyreally need that GorillaPod.

3. A chick at work sent this YouTube video of the 16-year old Cajun music wunderkind Hunter Hayes performing with Hank Williams, Jr. about 10 years ago. Sadly, though, I have to say that instead of being all, "Wow, that little kid plays a mean accordian," I instead spent most of the time watching and admiring Hank Jr.'s sweet cowboy boots. I guess once the cowboy-boot fever gets a hold of you, you never go back.



I'm more out than Seacrest.

Killing me softly with cuteness.

Have you seen this?

Turtle Tricks!

Oh.
My.
God.

Can I put "turtle" on my Amazon Wish List?

Pshaw.

So did any of you watch the Golden Globes winners announcement? How completely lame. The only thing that was remotely interesting and humorous was watching Billy Bush's face right after he'd tell a joke or make a witty quip that wasn't remotely funny, nor witty. This look of dread would come over his face, like he had just then realized that he was on live television, and that, oh my God, there were no writers to make him even remotely funny.

Also, this stupid format went by so fast that we only caught about half of the winners they announced, so we had to immediately load the list of winners on the old compooper after the show ended.



Basically, we just wanted to make double-sure that Daniel Day-Lewis won Best Actor in a Drama for "There Will Be Blood." Sorry, Johhny, but your Sweeney Todd is going to get completely SMOKED by DDL's Daniel Plainview, once we get real and lump "comedies and musicals" back together with everything else, come Oscar time.

****

This afternoon, when I came in from walking the dogs, I noticed that I had run out of the usual after-pooping reward of baby carrots, so I had to switch it up on my pooches, and give them a Saltine each.

I know it sounds like I'm the worst dog parent EVER, but I can't give my dogs regular dog treats because their weight needs to be constantly, obsessively monitored. The slightest weight gain, and I get balled out by their vet, because weight gain in dachshunds can lead to back problems. Back problems could then lead to them possibly slipping a disc, and in the worst-case scenario, they will lose the feeling in their back legs completely.

Anyways, back to the Saltines. Moj and Mox took the Saltines so excitedly. And while I was watching this completely unabashed excitement, I tacked that moment on to my list of 3,587,944 Reasons Why Being A Dog Is Better Than Being A Human. They were soooo excited about Saltines, man. That is some hardcore Quality of Life right there.

Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you....

I haven't been here much lately, I mean, other than to plead with you to buy some shit off me, but that's because I've gotten involved in this little Flickr project that I challenged myself to:

366 Days.

It's only Day 5, and I'm totally tired of myself. I'm also pretty tired of my Leno Chin mocking me in all of these self-portraits. Jesus, I had to inherit the pointy chin from the family gene pool, huh? I guess the big boobs were already taken.

Hey, want to buy some stuff?

I've been sort of in a financial disaster for, oh, I don't know, MY WHOLE LIFE. Probably because I buy alot of stuff. Specifically, I buy alot of purses. This madness cannot go on.

SO! I'm selling some stuff on eBay. You should buy something! It's awesome just to sell stuff, it's 100 times more awesome to sell stuff to people you actually like.

Pick your poison:

How about a 1154 Lill ANDI tote that I designed myself? You can read about their awesome store here.

Perhaps a Coach Lunch Tote?

Or do you know a teenager who would like a really cute little red Coach bag? Teenage girls are really into designer crap. I've been told.

No pressure or anything.
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Have you bought anything yet?

Ha!