Wednesday, February 20, 2008

TRUly a SIGHT to BEhold!

I have these bad weeks sometimes, where I feel like the Asian Howard Cosell drag racing commentators from "Better Off Dead" are narrating all the stupid shit that keeps happening to me.

Examples:

Monday:
WILL Emily's landlord ever call her BACK so she can get into her apartment beFORE the dogs piss everywhere? Can she keep her COOL when the landlord tries to blame the broken lock on her for WIGGLING THE LOCK TOO MUCH?
No. Apparently, I can't control myself when I'm filled with the blinding-white rage.

Tuesday:
Can Emily walk MOJO through the PETSMART without him taking a SHIT on the floor?
No. Actually, no times two. He shat twice.

Wednesday:
WILL Emily get up the ENERGY to do the laundry because she HAS NO SOCKS?
Nope. Looks like tomorrow's an obligatory dress-up-with-skirt day, so I can wear some tights instead.

So, yeah. This week? Lametown. On the flipside, even though it's like 13 degrees outside or something, my body has decided it's had enough of this winter BULLSHIT, and apparently I've become impervious to cold. Seriously. I could go run outside in my underwear. Is this how
Inuits feel all the time?

2 comments:

Styro said...

Reading this in my asian Howard Cosell voice really brought the lulz.

He shit twice?? I can't take Rufus into Petsmart because he is a territorial pisser, and he will hike his leg on anything that's ever been pissed on before. Which, as you realize, is the ENTIRE FUCKING STORE. Fucking Petsmart.

emily said...

Oh, I'm glad you did. I knew the cool people of the Internets would know how to read this entry.

Yeah, Moj shat twice. And to every Petsmart's credit that he has shit in, they never say a WORD, or if they do, they thank me for cleaning the shit up. Which sort of makes me want to die because THAT means that there are patrons who don't. Baaaaarrrrrrff.