TRUly a SIGHT to BEhold!

I have these bad weeks sometimes, where I feel like the Asian Howard Cosell drag racing commentators from "Better Off Dead" are narrating all the stupid shit that keeps happening to me.

Examples:

Monday:
WILL Emily's landlord ever call her BACK so she can get into her apartment beFORE the dogs piss everywhere? Can she keep her COOL when the landlord tries to blame the broken lock on her for WIGGLING THE LOCK TOO MUCH?
No. Apparently, I can't control myself when I'm filled with the blinding-white rage.

Tuesday:
Can Emily walk MOJO through the PETSMART without him taking a SHIT on the floor?
No. Actually, no times two. He shat twice.

Wednesday:
WILL Emily get up the ENERGY to do the laundry because she HAS NO SOCKS?
Nope. Looks like tomorrow's an obligatory dress-up-with-skirt day, so I can wear some tights instead.

So, yeah. This week? Lametown. On the flipside, even though it's like 13 degrees outside or something, my body has decided it's had enough of this winter BULLSHIT, and apparently I've become impervious to cold. Seriously. I could go run outside in my underwear. Is this how Inuits feel all the time?

NIU Shooting.

Our Valentine's Day has been a bit sidetracked by waiting to hear if Steve's brother was ok in the aftermath of the shootings at NIU, since he's a student there, and his apartment is within a block of where the shootings happened. He's ok, we're still waiting for word on a family friend, and we're waiting for his block to be opened back up before anyone goes and gets him.

This is bullshit. I am so tired of these random murder/suicides. If it's your prerogative to blow your brains out, do it on your own. There is no need to turn it into a senseless, angry, and deadly Pity Party.

I hate people sometimes.

Knitting it, just a little bit.

So, want some money from me? Probably, because EVERYONE SEEMS TO WANT MONEY FROM ME RIGHT NOW. If it's not one thing, it's the next. Jesus. The Jeep's power steering pump needs to be replaced. $370 later, the ol' girl is running like a champ. Which I'm really glad about, because have you ever lost your power steering? It's TOTALLY AWESOME. And by "awesome" I mean I was dictating my will to myself every time I tried to make a turn.

Ball sack.

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Let's see....what else has been going on. Oh, right. This winter. Brutal, man. All I can do is sit around, knit, and watch documentaries about Mormons on PBS.

I think I can justify watching so much television if I'm being productive while I'm doing it. Here are the things I've made while watching my beloved PBS:

Slipper socks:

Finished while watching "The Mummy Who Would Be King".

Elephant for Steve:

Finished while watching "Oprah's Roots", which, FYI, weren't as interesting as I think she would have liked them to be. Ha HA.

First two pieces of Mystery Knitting Project 3000:


Finished while watching the Superbowl, and then watching "African American Lives 2," Part One.

And, finally, a slice of birthday cake for my friend Jenny, who turns 27 today:

Finished while watching Part Two of "African American Lives 2," and begun while mooning over Colin Firth while viewing "Pride and Prejudice" for the five-millionth time.

So there you go. It's gotten to the point where checking PBS has become part of my morning routine. I use it to plan the rest of my day. Oh, Steve, you wanted to go out for a romantic dinner? Sorry, can't. New episode of the Roadshow.

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Lastly, I have been wearing the same pants to work for the last three days. I justified this because underneath the pants I have been wearing Steve's long underwear for extra warmth. I love doing that, despite feeling fat all day because I'm wearing two pairs of pants, and having to stuff all the extra fabric in the long underwear's crotch down one pant leg.

Anyways, I decided I would break the monotony and wear a different pair of pants today, so I pulled out another pair of pants from my soul-less, uncomfortable biz-casz cache. And guess what? When I get to work, I notice there's a big, freakin, post-wash stain on the leg. So I look even MORE ghetto than I did when I was wearing the same pants for three days. Awesome. I'm done. I will no longer make an effort. I am teetering on the brink of just getting it over with and wearing sweatpants.